Strike Three

Seems that 2012 still has some kick in it despite all the good things that have happened this year.

A big bad cloud of news is that Uncle Brian passed away a few months ago. Completely unexpected, he collapsed at work and died within minutes of complaining of pains. Of course the shock of this is still rippling through the family. Though I wasn’t close to him, my heart goes out to all the girls and his wife.

Then dad is suddenly told he has prostate cancer. Again more shock and worry, so close to him and worries of how advanced it is. Initial tests show that it’s very aggressive. Though a MRI has shown that whilst it has spread from the prostate it hasn’t reached his bones.

He is currently in hospital as we speak recovering from an operation that removed both his prostate but also as much of the cancer as possible. So far the initial signs are good. But the consultant hasn’t given us the full details – think we’re waiting for dad to leave the hospital.

Finally Kris Fowler has been diagnosed with MS – I know very little about this condition, but Kris seems to be in good spirits – I think mainly because there is a name for what has been happening to him recently. I do miss our time back when I was in Hull, we had some great times together which we’ll never have again. Suppose that is life, you constantly move on and unless you keep the energy in the friendship is just falls to the wayside.

Kind of reminds me of Marty as well, getting up to no good and just enjoying life at the clubs. But distance is a cold killer, it hasn’t killed our friendship but it has changed dramatically. No longer able to pop over for a random chat at 11 o’clock at night.

Of course I will always be here for them both, but we have all continued with our lives that we’re not part of any more. Other people fill the gaps where we once would have done so.

In my case I have felt I’ve said goodbye to more friends than I care to remember, having lost my soul mates. Who do I my mind to? No-one, either they’re typed in here under protected pages or I’ve just started sending emails to Rob. But Rob doesn’t reply, makes me think he no longer uses that email account and so no-one is possibly reading my emails. But I like to think he is and so I’m sharing my mind with him.

I often wonder if other people are like me, I constant look back on my life, remember actual moments and regretting some of them and fondly remembering others. If I could go back in time I would love to tell myself to avoid certain relationships, but then not to tell myself to avoid others – though they didn’t work out I feel I have learnt more about myself through them, the others were just a waste of time.

Other relationships never even got started because I chose to go with someone else. How would my life have been if I went with the other person instead? Would I be where I am today? Would I be any happier / sadder?

I do enjoy the comfort I get around my old friends, like Ills and Doug. But have felt I have drifted apart from others I was once close with (e.g. Pip) again this is just down to how our lives have adjusted over time.

I know nothing stays the same, but there are a few things I wish didn’t have to change.

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